Thoughts on a Rainy Night
by Reius Devirix
Summary: This fic is mainly about what goes through Hakkai's head on a rainy night. Again, I got bored so I did this. Reviews would be greatly appreciated.


"Thoughts on a Rainy Night" by Reius Devirix  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They belong to whoever made them.  
  
Notes: italicized letters are thoughts Non-italicized letters are not.  
  
  
  
It was raining again.  
  
It always rained on the worst possible moment. We've just gone through a huge battle with Homura and his sidekicks. We're all tired, especially me since healing them while nursing a respectable gash in the abdomen and a hole through my shoulder was quite draining.  
  
Sometimes I wonder if the rain is caused by something deliberate. Something that wants to spite us. Something that enjoys watching us suffer. Something or maybe. someone. I can almost hear the amused laugh of a certain oh-so-bitca-ish goddess. Oh, well.  
  
Sanzo's at it again. He's staring off outside the window. Staring at something only he could see.  
  
Sometimes I envy Gojyo and Goku. They never seem as troubled by the rain as the two of us are. Well, they really have no reason to be. How lucky they are.  
  
As for me.I hate the rain as much as Sanzo does. Everything seems to happen when it rains. Everything bad, I mean.  
  
Every time it rains I relive the worst nightmares of my life. I remember.remember things that I never really forgot. I have a really nasty feeling that I never will.  
  
I see myself coming home from work and finding out that Kanan was gone. It was raining then. Yes, it rained. Rained blood. The blood of the people I killed. People that once trusted and cared for me. They never knew what hit them. Half a village, I think.  
  
After six months of desperate searching, I finally knew where my beloved was being held.  
  
At the castle of the 1000-eyed demon.  
  
I killed two demon clans to get there. I killed them all with a single bloody knife.  
  
Alone.  
  
When I finally got to Kanan she told me that she didn't deserve me. That the demon king's offspring was inside her belly. That she was unclean now. That she was sorry of what happened to me because of her. And then she grabbed the knife from the sheath at my waste, said goodbye, and slit her throat.  
  
I never had the chance to react. I was vaguely aware of the thundering rain outside.  
  
The remaining demons attacked me. I was still paralyzed by the horrendous act that had taken place right before my eyes. The only thing I could see was Kanan 's lifeless body drowning in it's own blood.  
  
The fact that Kanan was dead sank into me and everything went white.  
  
The next thing I know, I'm crawling away from the burning castle, never aware of what had happened, with my organs spilling from my stomach. I dragged my body to a tree in the middle of the forest and slumped against it.  
  
While I waited death to take me, I contemplated what had just happened. I feel something cold on my ear and I reach out to discover a metal earring. 3 metal earrings to be exact, were clipped to my ear. With sickening realization it hit me.  
  
I had become a demon. I had bathed in a thousand demon's blood and became one of them. I had become the creature that I hated the most.  
  
And rightly so may I add.  
  
I was a demon even when I was still human. The demon in me was just.suppressed.hidden within the depths of my soul. When Kanan was taken from me the demon was revealed.  
  
I, Cho Gonou, possessed rage that was inhuman. Rage that was unheard of from a human. Rage that not even youkais possessed. It was the rage of a god. A god with a vengeance.  
  
I killed half a village and a thousand demons just to get my lover back.  
  
Which I never did.  
  
I killed every one of them, not minding the fact that most were innocents.  
  
I, Cho Gonou, am a killer, murderer, butcher, bastard.  
  
The rained poured on not taking mercy on the suffering being beneath it.  
  
I felt terrible guilt and anguish. I wanted to beg and ask those people I so pointlessly killed to forgive me. I wanted to die. But , of course, I can't. So I did the only ting that could alleviate some of the guilt that I felt.  
  
I plunged the same knife that I used to kill them into my right eye. This was my act of apology. My start to atonement.  
  
I passed out.  
  
"Oi, Hakkai! Wake up!," came the irritating sound of a male's gruff voice.  
  
Theoretically.Gojyo's.  
  
Hakkai buried his head under the pillow and groaned. Not wanting in the least to get out of bed. Both Sanzo and he had fallen asleep only after the rain stopped. That was at least half past midnight.  
  
Sanzo was awake first, though.  
  
"Hakkaiiiiiiii! I'm hungry!," came another irritating voice but this time it was a bit younger and more childish.  
  
Theoretically.Goku's.  
  
The pillow was ripped way from Hakkai's grasp.  
  
"Leave him alone, baka saru," came the threatening reply of a very cranky Sanzo.  
  
"But Sanzo.I'm hungry," Goku whined.  
  
Sanzo ignored him and turned to the redhead who was sneakily trying to poke Hakkai awake.  
  
Gojyo felt the hairs at the back of his neck rise and turned around to meet the full impact of Sanzo's I-will-kill-you-if-you-don't-cut-that-crap- Glare. Gojyo backed of but retorted a reply, "Look, you corrupted monk.Goku's hungry. I'm hungry. You're hungry. And there's no one to cook," he shrugged innocently, "What do you think we're supposed to do?"  
  
A vein had popped in Sanzo's head, "URUSAI!!!"  
  
The paper fan was about to hit home when it was stopped halfway by a sleepy reply, "I'm awake. I'm awake."  
  
Hakkai got up blearily and yawned, "Don't worry. You'll all have breakfast in 10 minutes." And with that he left the room.  
  
"Arigato, Hakkai," Goku dashed out the door to follow Hakkai and promptly bumped into Sanzo who was about to go through the door.  
  
Gojyo started laughing at the sight that was in front of him.  
  
"URUSAI!!!!" BANG. BANG. BANG.  
  
All hell erupted.  
  
Hakkai smiled contentedly. As long as I have them. I can keep on living. I can go on and someday.maybe.I'll be forgiven. 


End file.
